Prose poem concerning autistic spectrum relationship attempts blocked

Pencil sketch by Bruno Schulz

For as long as I remember, so has it seemed to me that love ought to be a simple thing—like the surge of sea towards the shore. I am such a dog that is drawn not towards every body that shows up. I am held usually back, sniffing out it’s not quite safe. But then it happens there you are, such a fine new someone, that I present myself finally trusting you: Here I am and I can’t help but… How possibly could you? So far then always slams the slap: We don’t do it like that! But how oh how then would I howl…but have not now the power to. Free. For as long as I remember